Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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