Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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