The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
