Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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