dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
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