It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
