oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
