We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
