He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
My ass is underappreciated
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
