The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
