Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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