okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
