You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
