Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
