i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
