I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
