ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Randomize
