You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
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