At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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