you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
