OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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