your thong is hanging out like whoa
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Send help, water and tortillas.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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