He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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