That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
