Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
