Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
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