What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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