Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
