Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
