Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Randomize
