I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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