Only a mothe r could love this liver
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
