Tell her she can't have a vagina
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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