apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
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