Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
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