You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
