Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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