Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize