I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
