Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
