my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Can I color on your dick again?
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
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