K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Randomize
