We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
We're not piercing ourselves today.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
