I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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