You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
