Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
