He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
