I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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