Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
