Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
