I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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