All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
