The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
