You can't motorboat a personality
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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