my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
