Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
