the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Randomize
