you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
