It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
