he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
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