apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Randomize
