The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
